how am i ayt now…?  wheew.. here, guess im doin’ fyn lately… been keepin’ maself totally busy just to get through these two months long vacation.. (i guess to keep maself from thinkin’ much! ) what ‘d yah know? still talkin’ bout him! haiz wen will i eveah get through these foolishnes? ma guess… after world war 6..! god, i need to step out of ma fantasies… i did, or so i think i did… yeah.. wat a boomer, i really thought i was done and all ‘coz i was able to loiter at different grounds without even thinkin of him… nor textin’ him..! only to fynd out dat i was still weak towards him!
well, lets just say he texted me this morneen… well, what’d yah expect from me? i was shocked to feel ackward, like im totally confussed if do i have to feel hurt, mad, angry, happy, bothered…! like i really thought i was ovah… then just to know im not! well, guess ma frenz were ayt, its nevah easy to dicth someone so dear to you… i just did!
damn like i was totally hit by a ten wheeler truck this morneen… imagine like i totally went crazy with just some words on ma phone! how lame was that?… now, i was pretty envious bout this coming semester.. like how would i get to act around him…? that is, if he managed to loiter at ma grounds again… (oopsie! he just did! this morneen ayt? ) the nerve! this is wat im talkin’ bout… he’ll come to ma lyf tryin’ to change everythin in ma senses then in just a snap he’ll fuckin’ dissappear! then again here he comes again… enterin’ ma lyf without ma permission whenever he feels like doin’ so… and here i was so helpless, voiceless! uuurrgghhhh!!! katleen snap out of it!
just need a break! i know God has a purpose for this…. but i can’t seem to figure out! i mean yeah i was tryin’ to  fyn that one great affair…  u know that one great love old folks used to say… but all i get was a pair of dusty clothes! i mean if he was not really the one.. then i dont want any connections with him and to hell with these feelings after all, i was fuckin’ close to getting ovah on that traumatic experience not until earlier! on the other hand if he happens to be.. y waste time? y can’t it be fixed as early as now?!
nah, i sound so crazy, i wonder what’ll be looking for me this coming semester (except for that thesis)… will we be evah be the same as how we were b4?… or if something’ll be changing will it be favorable for me? or for the both of us? or it’ll be another semnester of traumatic headache….
now.., still tryin’ to recover both phisically and damned emptionally…. i wish someone was helping me out der!
i just wish he should’nt try to do some stupid things again just to get in ma lyf again.. coz i know in d end it’ll be me who’ll cry again! well if he manage to decide for the bettah.. well better off fyn i guess….
i just dunno wat’s the ayt thing to do.. haizz, as of now i haven’t responding unto his textes….
dont wanna screwed up again!